Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
