Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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