it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
