Capitaan dildo arrescate!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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