Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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