Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
