those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
