How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
