I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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