listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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