I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize