Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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