ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
