I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
