i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
