I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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