We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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