it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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