Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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