with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
