The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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