I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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