Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my liver is dry heaving
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
