I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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