um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
