in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
