Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize