these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
