That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found a bag of teeth...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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