Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
