I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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