that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
