brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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