I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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