It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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