Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
