I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
