My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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