____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
