So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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