I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
