ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize