that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
