I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
