I CAN MOONWALK!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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