does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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