the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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