he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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