there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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