You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
