I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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