whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
