he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
