he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
