the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize