How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize