The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
