"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
