how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
