Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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