Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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