Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
