I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
