We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
