this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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