anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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