So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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