if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize