There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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